An Increase in Joy

We all go through dark periods in our lives, times where our emotions overcome us and we sink into a seemingly bottomless pit of pain and apathy and darkness. In times like this, we think joy is just a fad for those who live fortunate lives, or deny the pain in their lives and live in ignorance. But, deep down, I think we all know that joy is something innate and compassionate; sometimes it feels safer to dwell in the soft darkness of pain.

Some people I know personally are aware that I've been struggled through a lot of things that have come up from my past, which has triggered large amounts of pain. I've also been suffering a chronic pain condition, frustration at my medical care and how I'm not getting responses from my doctor, and severe fatigue that has been disabling.

I'm so grateful for my dedication to both my spiritual journey and my health, since this allowed me to design a routine incorporating what I really needed to do to keep myself together. I was depressed, in pain (physical and emotional) and dealing with some severe past trauma. I had been trying to work through it in the few and far between free moments last semester, but the time was tight and I was never able to be dedicated to it as much as I really needed.

This summer, I began to implement a routine of a hot bath, where I would read a book (since one of the things I had been craving was to enhance my knowledge on spiritual subjects and pick up the books I hadn't touched since buying them). Then, I'd do a short chakra meditation as the water drained, followed by 15-30 minutes of yoga, and 20 minutes of a Reiki self-treatment. I needed this to manage the pain. I trusted my inner guide when designing this routine.

The hot bath, yoga, and Reiki made the physical pain palatable...probably dropping it on a pain scale from an average of 7 to an average of 4. Yet, with chronic pain, it was still difficult to handle all of my emotions, frustrations, and fears from my past that would constantly arise.

I stayed with this routine, each day making time for 2 hours of healing. Sometimes I was reluctant, sometimes I wasn't all that focused, but I kept going. I knew I needed it, and I knew it would cause me so much pain to neglect the healing routine. I also knew this routine was healing me in a way deeper than just talking about my emotions or other forms of physical pain management; it was healing me from the inside out. I had been working for months to heal myself, but I needed a daily routine, and I could feel that. Some constant to build a foundation upon.

It's been right around three weeks of this routine. Over 40 hours of healing. And the effects are amazing. It started with, in the first week, glimpses of stillness and peace, maybe a little happiness. Now the passion for life I have is incredible. I have opened, I have grown in the most subtle and powerful ways.

There is now this spring of joy and compassion. A complete awareness and empathy to the earth and all the people I interact with. A love for walking outside, a craving to get out in nature. A sensitivity to energy that goes beyond what I even thought was possible. A totally free springing well of emotions, accepting each as it arises with as much compassion as I have in me.

Just yesterday, I was researching a newfound passion of aromatherapy and essential oils, trying to figure out which brand would work the best for myself and others. I did a lot of searching, and when I stumbled upon Native American Nutritionals' website, I got goosebumps. I teared up. I could vividly sense the purity in the energy of the oils, without even holding one in my hand. It was shocking and amazing, to feel such a sensitivity to something I was only interacting with through my computer. This alignment and sensitivity I think would be impossible for me if I hadn't been working so hard to keep with a daily routine that was slowly and deeply healing (and awakening) me.

It's been a journey, and it's taken dedication, but I just want to say to everyone that it is possible to heal. You don't have to spend 2 hours each day like me, you might be able to spend 10 minutes and have joyous results in 2 weeks. It's all about the routine and the understanding that you can dedicate time towards your healing. Time purely meant for you. Time meant for healing and evolution.

The space for healing is so important. It's this space, I believe, which begins to open an all consuming spring of joy.

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Why it is so Important to Love the Sick Parts of Your Body

I don't think there's a person on this planet that isn't, at some time, plagued with at least a pesky ailment, illness, or disease. Our skin is frequently affected, like with warts, fungi, bacteria, eczema, acne, etc. We also get indigestion, sore throats, runny noses. Then there are a plethora of more severe illnesses that we can contract.

I've been fortunate enough to never have battled a life threatening illness, which is something I'm incredibly grateful for. But, since I am indeed human, I have had pesky ailments hit me at an alarming frequency. Over time, I've come to learn what ailments are associated with certain energy imbalances (I'll be sure to go through these more in depth in later posts); when the imbalance is severe enough, my body reacts by producing or becoming susceptible to an ailment. That's how my body (and it seems a lot of spiritual practitioner's bodies) work. Someone once said to me "When are you in a state of 'dis-ease,' or not at ease with yourself/your energy, it's more likely your body with have a disease."

For a couple years I've battled certain conditions which have really destroyed my psyche when it came to my body. I felt dirty and secretive about the shameful ways my body was susceptible to disease and illness. Although I was still strong and, fortunately, able-bodied, these conditions distressed me. I found myself ashamed of the sections of my body that were afflicted, and I was hesitant to even think about them for fear of giving the condition more powerful. I wanted to cut off my foot, tear away a toenail. (Literally, that would have hurt and caused a lot more damage, but my level of distress over even small ailments was severe enough that it made me wish these acts were possible). Most likely, not everyone is so distressed about small and harmless conditions, but I (and probably others) sometimes are.

It was only the other night, after doing a lot of work with my root chakra, that I realized it was harmful to be afraid of interacting with afflicted areas of my body (or even seeing them as something other than me--"the diseased skin", not "an afflicted patch of skin that's also me"). I was laying under my sheets, incredibly aware of the contact this area was making with my bed and feeling like it had poisoned that entire spot with infection. Of course, infection can travel through contact, but my fear was a little extreme in this moment.

I became aware of how I had not actually considered these affected areas to be a part of me. My body: me. They were the other, I was the untainted me. But I was wrong! These afflicted parts of my body were me as well. My body was saying "hey, pay attention, there's something in you that I'm showing you is wrong. You're not at ease!" Before this awakening, I wasn't thanking my body for sharing this information, I was pushing it away and harming me mental state and energy body more.

I've come to understand, after years of energy work, that almost all illness and disease has energetic and spiritual roots. (It has physical ones too, and everyone can catch illnesses, but there's also a reason why practices like Reiki have alone cured cancer). My root chakra has been really off lately, so of course my feet were afflicted with things. Thank you, body, for showing me that I really need to work through the emotion and physical consequences simultaneously.

I really learned that it was only harming me to reject the ill places of my body. We all struggle through different states of health, often we can't control what our bodies are afflicted with, but our mentality about these areas is something we most often have control over. When I focused intently on the sick areas of my body and told myself, internally, that they were me and a part of me I loved, something really changed. I felt calmer, more still and peaceful.