An Increase in Joy

We all go through dark periods in our lives, times where our emotions overcome us and we sink into a seemingly bottomless pit of pain and apathy and darkness. In times like this, we think joy is just a fad for those who live fortunate lives, or deny the pain in their lives and live in ignorance. But, deep down, I think we all know that joy is something innate and compassionate; sometimes it feels safer to dwell in the soft darkness of pain.

Some people I know personally are aware that I've been struggled through a lot of things that have come up from my past, which has triggered large amounts of pain. I've also been suffering a chronic pain condition, frustration at my medical care and how I'm not getting responses from my doctor, and severe fatigue that has been disabling.

I'm so grateful for my dedication to both my spiritual journey and my health, since this allowed me to design a routine incorporating what I really needed to do to keep myself together. I was depressed, in pain (physical and emotional) and dealing with some severe past trauma. I had been trying to work through it in the few and far between free moments last semester, but the time was tight and I was never able to be dedicated to it as much as I really needed.

This summer, I began to implement a routine of a hot bath, where I would read a book (since one of the things I had been craving was to enhance my knowledge on spiritual subjects and pick up the books I hadn't touched since buying them). Then, I'd do a short chakra meditation as the water drained, followed by 15-30 minutes of yoga, and 20 minutes of a Reiki self-treatment. I needed this to manage the pain. I trusted my inner guide when designing this routine.

The hot bath, yoga, and Reiki made the physical pain palatable...probably dropping it on a pain scale from an average of 7 to an average of 4. Yet, with chronic pain, it was still difficult to handle all of my emotions, frustrations, and fears from my past that would constantly arise.

I stayed with this routine, each day making time for 2 hours of healing. Sometimes I was reluctant, sometimes I wasn't all that focused, but I kept going. I knew I needed it, and I knew it would cause me so much pain to neglect the healing routine. I also knew this routine was healing me in a way deeper than just talking about my emotions or other forms of physical pain management; it was healing me from the inside out. I had been working for months to heal myself, but I needed a daily routine, and I could feel that. Some constant to build a foundation upon.

It's been right around three weeks of this routine. Over 40 hours of healing. And the effects are amazing. It started with, in the first week, glimpses of stillness and peace, maybe a little happiness. Now the passion for life I have is incredible. I have opened, I have grown in the most subtle and powerful ways.

There is now this spring of joy and compassion. A complete awareness and empathy to the earth and all the people I interact with. A love for walking outside, a craving to get out in nature. A sensitivity to energy that goes beyond what I even thought was possible. A totally free springing well of emotions, accepting each as it arises with as much compassion as I have in me.

Just yesterday, I was researching a newfound passion of aromatherapy and essential oils, trying to figure out which brand would work the best for myself and others. I did a lot of searching, and when I stumbled upon Native American Nutritionals' website, I got goosebumps. I teared up. I could vividly sense the purity in the energy of the oils, without even holding one in my hand. It was shocking and amazing, to feel such a sensitivity to something I was only interacting with through my computer. This alignment and sensitivity I think would be impossible for me if I hadn't been working so hard to keep with a daily routine that was slowly and deeply healing (and awakening) me.

It's been a journey, and it's taken dedication, but I just want to say to everyone that it is possible to heal. You don't have to spend 2 hours each day like me, you might be able to spend 10 minutes and have joyous results in 2 weeks. It's all about the routine and the understanding that you can dedicate time towards your healing. Time purely meant for you. Time meant for healing and evolution.

The space for healing is so important. It's this space, I believe, which begins to open an all consuming spring of joy.

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What I Learned from the Tree Pose Today

Today I was practicing yoga, finally getting back into some more intense and personal meditation. It was much needed. First, I spent some time bathing, relaxing my muscles and reading a book about vibration healing, following with 30 minutes of yoga, and then 30 minutes of a Reiki self healing.

After my bath, as the water was slowly flowing into the drain, I sat in the tub and worked with each chakra for a simple 5 breaths. My root chakra is particularly blocked at the moment, and I could feel hesitation there and at my solar plexus as I did this short meditation. I could also feel very little energy flow on my right, masculine, side. The tree pose--a perfect left/right balancing position--was something I instantly knew to incorporate into my daily yoga practice.

As I later shifted my weight to move into the first part of the pose, I gazed out at the tall trees I could see from my apartment balcony. I'm blessed with a beautiful and sacred view, so it was incredibly easy to connect with the natural inspiration for this pose. I came into the pose, "grew my branches," and then felt how incredibly unsteady I was.

I almost lost the pose, fell out of it. That would have been fine, falling in and out of poses is a natural part of yoga, but it seemed like the universe wanted me to almost fall out of it. The lesson I had to learn was in the wobble, not the fall.

I instinctively shifted the weight in my foot to prevent a fall, but I had overcompensated. I stayed calm, this time, instead of feeling the movement throw my psyche off balance too. Because I was (finally) mentally centered, my experience with attempting to balance in the tree pose taught me something phenomenal.

I learned, for the first time, to sway. That simple but complex message was so important for me to learn.

As I've been trying to ground myself and become sturdy with root chakra work, I was losing my connection with flexibility. Not that of the muscles, but with that of life's happenings. Until I was swaying, I didn't realize this.

I allowed myself to teeter, consciously and subconsciously, on both sides of the pose, amazed at how much my body wanted to move around as soon as I gave up trying to stay rigid and straight. It felt more still to move than it did to attempt to keep a frigid pose.

Trees have incredibly stable roots even when they sway. Sometimes just the thin and light branches move, and sometimes the whole trunk bends with gusts of wind. The trees, at least those which are healthy and not overcome with nature, flow with the wind; they don't fight the natural current around them. Movement is a vital part of life; trees don't attempt to predict the wind, they just allow nature and happenings to move them. They sway.

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